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farmer67

Getting wife onboard?

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farmer67
Hello all,
 
New poster here. I have yet to buy a bike but for the last few years I have strongly considered it and I really don't know why I haven't. 
 
A little background I grew up on dirt bikes, then switched to ATV's, then bought a Polaris RZR-S. Last year I was ready to pull the trigger come spring on a FZ-09 and with my rzr trade it wouldn't have cost me anything. Well a few weeks later (still winter) my current truck's HPFP went out and all 8 injectors were ruined along with the HPFP. Anyway, I sold the rzr, sold the truck (after 8k in repairs) and bought a new truck. So I decided the time wasn't right to spend nearly 10k on a toy. 
 
Well I am ready to buy now but my wife (newly married as of December) is throwing an absolute fit over me getting a motorcycle. "They are too dangerous, no one will see you....." I understand her concerns and I share some of the same concerns but I simply wish she could stop being so cold towards me and see that this is something that I am passionate about. I grew up on 2 wheels, when I was 4 years old I started on a Yamaha PW-50... I can't shake the desire to ride. With the FZ-07 being released I think it would be the perfect bike. 
 
 
Does anyone have any advice for me in terms of easing the wife's mind? Of course I would always wear a helmet, and a jacket. I have made up my mind that I am going to do as I please because I will not have anyone tell me I can't do something, but I still do understand her concern and care about her feelings. 
 
TIA!

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farmer67
Also,
 
Does anyone anticipate a shortage of these bikes? I think I want a red one and I am ready to put down a deposit or even buy one if they may be hard to find once spring fully sets in. I am located in ECIL. I need to get my license but I don't think that should be an issue once I get some free time. Thanks!

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mjh937
See if you can get your wife to take the MSF course with you. She may be more amiable to the idea after she had taken the course and has her endorsement.
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farmer67
See if you can get your wife to take the MSF course with you. She may be more amiable to the idea after she had taken the course and has her endorsement.
As of right now that wouldn't to be a possibility... She want's absolutely nothing to do with any of it.... A few nights ago when I told her I am strongly considering buying a bike she slept on the couch.... (First time since we have been married) She is a nurse and has other nurse friends that work in the ER so motorcycles are evil according to her.  
I know many recommend taking the MSF course, and I may especially since I see that the intermediate is just one day and allows you to skip the DMV tests, plus I have read about small insurance discounts. But for times sake once I am done planting the spring ( I farm ) I may just go to the DMV, take my driving test, and be done with it. Like I said, I grew up on dirt and feel very confident riding. 

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Guest sportyeight
See if you can get your wife to take the MSF course with you. She may be more amiable to the idea after she had taken the course and has her endorsement.
+1 My wife had zero interest or desire for anything motorcycle. I convinced her to do the MSF and now she won't even ride pillion. She has her own ride.
You are going to die when it's your time to die, motorcycle or not.
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Guest sportyeight
My wife is also a nurse, has seen the outcomes of here share of bike accidents, and has also seen a few of my close calls on my helmet cam. We still ride.

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farmer67
My wife is also a nurse, has seen the outcomes of here share of bike accidents, and has also seen a few of my close calls on my helmet cam. We still ride.
 
I have a feeling your wife is still a bit more open minded than mine, but maybe she will come around. I just don't know how to get her interested. 
 
I see you are from Central IL, Where at in Illinois? I am not too far from the Champaign / Urbana area. 

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Guest sportyeight
I have a feeling your wife is still a bit more open minded than mine, but maybe she will come around. I just don't know how to get her interested.  
I see you are from Central IL, Where at in Illinois? I am not too far from the Champaign / Urbana area. 
 
Just a bit west of Peoria, always keeping an open mind to moving someplace warmer in the winter. ;)
 
Wifey is at work now (3rd shifter gets all the drunks, too). I'll try to remember to ask her when she gets home why shes still so open about riding. Maybe I can get an answer that might help you out.
 

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farmer67
I have a feeling your wife is still a bit more open minded than mine, but maybe she will come around. I just don't know how to get her interested.  
I see you are from Central IL, Where at in Illinois? I am not too far from the Champaign / Urbana area. 
Just a bit west of Peoria, always keeping an open mind to moving someplace warmer in the winter. ;) 
Wifey is at work now (3rd shifter gets all the drunks, too). I'll try to remember to ask her when she gets home why shes still so open about riding. Maybe I can get an answer that might help you out.

I would appreciate that! Can't blame you for keeping an open mind in terms of moving, Spring still hasn't sprung here. We had some snow flurries for a couple hours today over here. My wife recently got off nights and switched to days so I know what you mean about drunks and other interesting creatures she saw during nights lol. Can't say days are that much different for her though. 

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hippiebikerchick
I understand her concerns; she has seen a lot of injuries in her line of work and doesn't want that to happen to you. Completely understandable. But her thinking that motorcycles are too dangerous and evil is wrong. Motorcycles cannot be that. It's the person sitting on and operating the motorcycle that can be dangerous and evil. Make sure you know how to handle any situation on the bike, like controlling it in a panic stop or swerving.
 
For her concern that no one can see you - make sure your helmet and jacket are high viz.
 
You said you will do as you please, just be smart about it, get a large life insurance policy, get proper training and always wear full gear. Clearly this is something you really, really want to do - so you should do it! I think she'll notice how enjoyable riding is for you and eventually want to check it out.
 
It's always a possibility that you will slip in the shower and break your neck too. Life is a risk, does that stop anyone?
 
Good luck and welcome to the FZ07 forum.

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Cruizin
My wife wont ride with me. She was in a bad wreck when she was younger and was totally against me getting a bike. She was so adamant against it. So, I got one anyways. She was pissed, and even cried.
I knew when i got it that I was risking divorce, but decided that it's my phucking life and I only get to live it once. My way. This was years ago.
 
She got a horse in protest, seriously, she got freakin horse. And then she got thrown from it and spent three months stuck in bed with a shattered knee.
 
We sold the horse and saddle, I still have a bike. She didn't divorce me and I still ride when I want.
 
Think of your life as a movie, you are starring in it and it only plays once, man. It only plays once. If she loves you, she will learn to deal. Just get some good life insurance, like half a million at least.
 
 
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rowdy
I got my wife to take the MSF coarse and she got so excited she bought a bike. She rode it for a few months than had a scary, almost dump, and quit riding. I haven't gotten her to ride since, but she has no qualms with me riding (that might actually be a bad sign).
But... like Cruizin said "it only plays once". Live your dream!
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yamahaha
Couples that ride together, stay together.
 
I got my wife riding very early. She talked me into buying the fz (Ya ... that was a hard sell ... ha ha). I know she has her eye on it and she has been known to confiscate my rides in the past.
 
 
 

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rmdet
Ok, this will likely be unpopular, but here is my 2 cents... My suggestion would be to start the next conversation stating that you respect her opinion and will not buy a motorcycle - but that it is something you that would eventually want to do again and that you would like to figure out how find the common ground with it so you can both be happy in the future. Then this year instead of buying a bike, take the MSF course, get your M endorsement, and maybe rent/borrow a bike for a weekend or two later in the summer so you can at least get some limited ride time. (Is she also against riding dirt? if not, maybe do that a season or two)
 
By next year, you may be having a completely different conversation and it hopefully it can work out with no hard feelings.
 
 
 

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pantheraleo
Just get your bike. She'll deal with it. You guys have been married four months...and she feels she can tell you not to ride?
 
Sounds like its time to set a boundary, my friend.
 
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griffin
What he said. As long as there isn't a financial problem in the household, then buy the bike. So be it if she wants to sleep on the sofa.

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Guru
No offence, but please grow a pair already. You have been married for a couple of months and she tells you what (not) to do? I have been happily married for 23 years and my wife has never told me what I should or shouldn't do. She might not agree with everything I do. It works both ways, I am not going to tell het what to do either. Being concerned is fine, but you are both adults.
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Beemer
I remember how my X used to always buy herself clothes and I never said one word about it. I rarely bought any clothes for myself, I'm an old jeans & t-shirt kind of guy. Then when the day came that I wanted to buy an air compressor so I could do air-brush work on the side she threw a tissy. After her shouting and stomping subsided, I explained to her that I would get back the $250 spent on the compressor and be bringing in more money which in her mind equaled more clothes for herself so she was well on board after that. (ha, so predictable) If you can somehow convince her that the bike would be a plus/somehow benefit her as well (good gas mileage/low ins.) she may lighten up a bit. Also, I have checked out statistics on motorcycle crashes and the largest percent of people having accidents are the young ones with no experience. It's not the older, more experienced riders such as yourself, I presume. I told this to my mom because she is scared for me to ride as well. One of her nephews had a leg torn off in a bike crash so you can imagine her fear for me riding but she relaxed after some educating. Good luck! I hope it goes your way.

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farmer67
I remember how my X used to always buy herself clothes and I never said one word about it. I rarely bought any clothes for myself, I'm an old jeans & t-shirt kind of guy. Then when the day came that I wanted to buy an air compressor so I could do air-brush work on the side she threw a tissy. After her shouting and stomping subsided, I explained to her that I would get back the $250 spent on the compressor and be bringing in more money which in her mind equaled more clothes for herself so she was well on board after that. (ha, so predictable) If you can somehow convince her that the bike would be a plus/somehow benefit her as well (good gas mileage/low ins.) she may lighten up a bit. Also, I have checked out statistics on motorcycle crashes and the largest percent of people having accidents are the young ones with no experience. It's not the older, more experienced riders such as yourself, I presume. I told this to my mom because she is scared for me to ride as well. One of her nephews had a leg torn off in a bike crash so you can imagine her fear for me riding but she relaxed after some educating. Good luck! I hope it goes your way.
 
 
No I haven't looked up the stats on accidents but I am not exactly an old guy. I'm 24, but I do consider myself experienced. 99% of my 2 wheel experience has been on dirt. I haven't had a dirt bike for a few years noe but I have ridden a few bikes on the road. The latest of which was a friend's honda shadow 750 (felt good to be riding but talk about a boring bike IMO).
 
I do have a 500k life insurance policy on myself but I do need to get her switched as the beneficiary.
 
Basically the few discussions I have had with her did not end well and she has simply said she knows I will do what I please anyway and she no longer wants to hear a word about it. "You will never convince me it is a good idea, and I will be so mad if you buy one". That type of thing... financially it is not a problem.
 
To the poster telling me to grow a pair, I have a pair. I just want to ease my wife's mind if somehow possible. I care about her feelings and understand her concerns. However, they are not going to stop me.
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lonerider
No offence, but please grow a pair already. You have been married for a couple of months and she tells you what (not) to do? I have been happily married for 23 years and my wife has never told me what I should or shouldn't do. She might not agree with everything I do. It works both ways, I am not going to tell het what to do either. Being concerned is fine, but you are both adults.
This is words of wisdom.  We have to understand the point of view of each other and Respect it. If one has to forget himself/herself, troubles are just at the corner. 

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ryderjay
So I went the "Not going to the wife" route when I traded my Stryker for the Harley. That didn't go so well. It basically breaks down the trust you developed with your significant other. It took a while for things to get better and now, though I do have the Harley, she resents it. And it will always be that because it is a daily remainder to her that I did not consult with her about such a major purchase. With that being said, I did tell her my intent to purchase the FZ, which she also was not pleased about but now she cannot say I lied or went behind her back about it. Tell her you are going to buy it when the times comes that you are going to pull the trigger. She'll be pissed... For a while most likely. But you didn't go behind her etc. if she is that against a motorcycle you will likely never change her mind. My wife went from loving that I ride to hating it, so whenever I buy a part or look at upgrading / trading it becomes a big argument. But it passes. The Harley, however, never has been forgiven despite me buying it for us to ride together. My intentions were good, but my methods where not.

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prediddy
 
Think of your life as a movie, you are starring in it and it only plays once, man. 
 

This.  A great slice of advice for life. 
Other than that.  If she doesn't want to hear about the bike, don't talk to her about it.  Whenever my mother or girlfriend starts in about how dangerous motorcycles are, I just shift the conversation to how great my latest piece of gear (helmet, jeacket, body armor, etc.) will increase the safety factor.  It calms thier concerns, and deflects the conversation from the bike (bad) to clothes/gear (neutral).
 
You see its not that either have 'veto' power in my life, but nothing wrong with finding a way to keep your people happy. :)  At the end of the day she is just concerned for your well being.

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pantheraleo
OP-
 
I'm not suggesting to sneak the bike into the garage, or to attempt to assert dominance in some absurd way. I suggest you tell her calmly but plainly that you hear her objections, and are going to get your bike. If you don't, won't you resent that fact and her? Will you still respect yourself?
 
I'm not questioning your manhood. I'm sure you are simply trying to keep peace in your marriage, but Your Dreams are too high a price for peace in my humble opinion.
 
Good luck, my friend.
 

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yamahaha
 

please grow a pair already
That may be a little harsh. Whoever mentioned "setting boundaries" is bang on especially in a new marriage. You don't want to spend your life "whipped" do you?
 

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Cruizin
Not every guy has a wife as cool as @hippiebikerchick
 
Maybe you guys could pay her per instance to call your wives and talk sense into them?

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